Once again, I'm feeling really down. I feel constricted. I know that part of it is due to the stress I went through in Jan and February with the Ex, and that another part of it is due to the long cold winter we've had. Things will probably get better once I can get out and take in some sunshine once in a while.

But right now, I feel trapped and worried about everything. I feel bitter and petty and anxious. I'm too hard on people. I'm ready to point out everything negative in anything anyone has to say. I'm in a rut. I'm obsessing over stupid things, like pop groups or the number of cracks I walk over on the sidewalk. I *know* these are signs of escape from a greater anxiety. I guess I just have to start figuring out how to battle it.

I still feel guilt about my kids, and probably always will. It gets particularly hard when I haven't seen them for two weeks or more; I just miss them so damned much.

I feel loss of control at my life because of the presence of a girlfriend. It's not her fault; these are my own demons. I'm writing this out to fight those demons. I need to talk. I will talk, and have already made arrangements to do so. I won't let this bog me down and ruin another relationship.

I have let my shyness overtake me, somewhat. I'm not socializing enough at work. I spend too much time f*cking-the-dog and feeling guilty about it. I am tired of my profession, but perhaps I could rekindle some enthusiasm for it if I tried a little harder.

I feel closed off, without enough release, like a shut-in. I need to exercise more. I miss the social contact of my theatre groups.

I need a holiday. I need some cash. I need a break. I need a new start. I need to stop needing.

That's all. That helps.

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